So where do I start? I have spent my life not knowing. Not knowing what to say, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to wear, not knowing if I"ll ever have a boyfriend, and most of all, not knowing what I want. I"m so unlike my friend Justin. He "knows" all. Ever since the eighth grade he has known he wants to be a movie director; now, he's in college at the North Carolina School of the Arts. Justin always has witty remark or brilliant comment for any situation, unlike me, soft-spoken, and often unheard.

Life as a teenager confuses me. I want to fit in; still, I want to be my own person. I don't want to be known as just another girl; I want to be myself, but I want everyone to accept me. I guess I am insecure- I have an awesome group of friends, yet I think if I break away from the pack, they would drop me, though I am certain they never would.

It is so hard trying to please everyone. Being the oldest of three means I must be a shining example for my siblings. My parents expect so much of me, which explains my over-achiever attitude. I just want to escape sometimes, and that is hard due to their overbearing and overprotective nature. Pleasing my friends is difficult for me as well. I have so many friends in numerous groups, and I act differently around each one of them. I wonder who I really am, what I would be like if I had no influence from anyone upon me.

Change never comes easy to me, whether it be a new school year, a new situation I don't know how to handle, or even a new haircut. Moving to Alabama almost seven years ago devastated me. Now, I love Alabama, but I hate going to Pennsylvania to see how much my best friends and I have changed and grown apart. It's scary to think what I would be like if I still lived there. Would I have the same friends? Would I look the same? Would I act the same? They say time heals all wounds, and that's true, but sometimes time can open new wounds that hurt even more.